So like lately I've been feeling rather~~ not under appreciated...not turn back against...not shoved...not rejected...but there's just something there that I just can't put my finger in to.
I know most people say it's all because of the "transition to adulthood" where you just feel the sense of responsibility altogether being too fast without letting you to at least prepare for it before embarking on the whole journey. I'd like to think of it that way~ And I guess, IT IS that. All I know, is just I'm not sure. I seem to not know how to act like me and 'being me'. I can act nice and I can act quite cold. Sometimes I wonder, which is the REAL me? the nice one or the ice princess? Am I even being genuine when I'm being friendly and accepting people's bullshit? I have NO IDEA~
The love life has been rather lame as well nowadays~ I guess as you get older, you began to think of these stuff and sometimes I do hope to just settle down and at least have one serious relationship and no longer one of those flings stuff. Nothing is going as planned -_- I guess it's Karma? If it is, then I guess I should apologies to those people that I think I might have hurt...I know the chances of them reading is is VERY SLIM to NONE, but I would like to apologise to 'A', I think I should've listened to your explanation and your side of the story. Then there's 'B', I'm sorry for being a jerk when you said you liked me. I know it took lots of courage to do that and I regret saying all those things - I'm sorry. Then there's also 'A', and well...yeah, all I can say is just sorry. Then there's 'M'...Sorry, I can't feel the same way. God! This is just sad. Can't believe I'm doing this here. But seriously, I think it is Karma.
I'm still this girl who can't go to extreme to get the guy she likes. I always calculate, "is he worth this?", "will I get hurt?" and so on and so forth. I can't take risk, up till where I met 'H'. I have nooo idea why I became extremely stupid over him. And think of how many people told me he's not worthed, everything on me says he's well worth it! Then in the end, it didn't work out.
My point of it all is that, I seem to have weak judgment? But then, when I get off and odd vibes from people, it usually is correct. But when it comes to the matter of my heart, I build a huge dissonance!
Right now, I'm seeeeriously trying to like someone. So far, potential candidate - 0! I know I'm all crushing, finding lots of guys good looking who I call them my man candy. But truth be told, I can never love those guys and I need someone who I can unconditionally love. This song, I realised seems to reflect how I feel nowadays. It's actually by Robbie Williams, with a different music video BUT I chose this as it has Dennis Oh in it and hehehe~ you know how I just lovee showing off my man candy ;P
Oh it seemed forever stopped today All the lonely hearts in London Caught a plane and flew away And all the best women are married All the handsome men are gay You feel deprived
Yeah are you questioning your size? Is there a tumour in your humour, Are there bags under your eyes? Do you leave dents where you sit, Are you getting on a bit? Will you survive You must survive
When there's no love in town This new century keeps bringing you down All the places you have been Trying to find a love supreme A love supreme
Oh what are you really looking for? Another partner in your life to abuse and to adore? Is it lovey dovey stuff, Do you need a bit of rough? Get on your knees
Yeah turn down the love songs that you hear 'Cause you can't avoid the sentiment That echoes in your ear Saying love will stop the pain Saying love will kill the fear Do you believe You must believe When there's no love in town This new century keeps bringing you down All the places you have been Trying to find a love supreme A love supreme
I spy with my little eye Something beginning with (ah) Got my back up And now she's screaming So I've got to turn the track up Sit back and watch the royalties stack up I know this girl she likes to switch teams And I'm a fiend but I'm living for a love supreme
When there's no love in town This new century keeps bringing you down All the places you have been Trying to find a love supreme A love supreme
Come and live a love supreme Don't let it get you down Everybody lives for love
Come and live a love supreme Don't let it get you down Everybody lives for love
