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When times get rough
Thank God, I still have this blog. I know I dont do much with it and heck, I even sometimes think, why do I even still have this? THIS is why. When things get awesomely good, I need more place to tell and if things get bad to worse, I can't say it and I let it out through here.
I've only tried to talk to one person about this, but heck, the pain is just still there. I have to put up with fake smiles and pretend everything is fine when I'm just slowly shattering on the inside! I HATE this feeling! I don't think I can ever just let out my feelings, 1- because I'm just embarrased if people see the weak side of me and 2- I always have this way of thinking that people have their own problem and why bug them with mine and that my problem is nothing much to compare to what they might be facing. I know it's fine to just simply say bits of your worries as regular conversation, but the thing is, if I tell you more of myself, you'll know more if me and that'll mean I trust and I don't easily trust nowadays. It's just so hard :( What's worse is I can't even talk to my sister about some stuff now. Or any other person for that matter. So I thought, if the person you can talk to is the person you can't talk to, then who could you talk to?
Things just keep piling up and I just want to thrust it away and let things shatter! When I thought I'd always have someone to turn to when problems just smiling their way to me, I just face them in fear of turning around thinking there might be no one there. Cuz really, so far, I fall without anyone catching me!
It's funny how you can boldly face some things then when it comes to certain issues, you just go weak and beatened! Sometimes things may appear unfair and I thought, hey, I have this..I have that...just to think that everyone has something that makes this world and life a lot more equal. But this time, it's just so hard to do that. I had promise my self that I should do as those tv slogans been saying, "new year, new you" I thought I had an improved new me, shoving EVERYTHING to the side and just concentrate more on what I have. In the end, I can't shove EVERYTHING, I'm this egoistic person, I give back twice the offense given to me, I keep more and more things to myself and ooh! guess what, I hold grudges now - awesomeee! So is this the new me?
NFH has lit up your life again at 11:24 PM
